yes it is time.
Let's talk about marriage. I'm doing it. And it is a huge, big scary thing. You can be with someone for years and years and know you're going to be together forever and not get married, and that is somehow not as scary. When you agree to marry a person you are forced to think and catalog all your reasons for it, realize really and very concretely that you are choosing a partner for the rest of your life, and my word, is that a big deal! It's a good thing, don't get me wrong. Any time you are forced to evaluate your personal status quo is a positive.
There are a lot of reasons not to get married. There are even more reasons not to get married when you're 22. Well, I suppose I'll be 23, but even still. Some people don't want the state (a representation of The (ever present) Man) to have anything to do with their relationships. Some people don't want to marry into an institution that is discriminatory and exclusive. Some people just plain don't see it as necessary. And it isn't necessary, and all of those reasons are totally valid, and there's a big part of me that totally agrees.
But here's how I see it.
If you decide that you and your partner are going to stay together for the rest of your lives, to support each other emotionally, spiritually, and financially, that this is the person that you are going to know best and who will know you best, out of everyone in the world, it is something to fucking celebrate. I think people are constantly seeking out deep bonds but are thwarted by things like anxiety, societal conventions, distance, propriety, our ease of being embarrassed and insecure, so many many reasons. To have someone understand you so intimately is precious. And to understand someone else is to let go of the self, to actually listen and make an effort to go beyond your comfort zone for another human's sake. Even though they aren't perfect and never will be, neither will you be, and everything adds up to this one person you love, and so even the imperfections are necessary and accepted (even if they never stop being annoying or frustrating). You do it because you want to, not because you're compelled, because it should be reciprocal and equitable. It isn't about becoming an eight limbed beast of a being, but recognizing and embracing someone else's individuality at the deepest level and having that resonate with you.
And so it's something to shout about. It's something to share, and something your loved ones should be delighted about. I actually really believe in the sanctity of marriage, and that doing it for anything else is a mockery. But marriage in my mind doesn't have anything to do with the state or religion or gender. It's a decision and a commitment between two, and nothing else matters. How you choose to celebrate it and express it is a matter of culture, personal taste, religious and spiritual beliefs, and the matter of two individuals with a unique outlook and background coming together to create something special to share with the people who are important to them.
God this is mushy. But as someone who didn't think marriage was a big deal for years, it's important to me to figure out exactly why it is important, and why it's something I am entering into. I was expecting this entry to be about how planning a wedding is big and terrifying and wicked fun, but this is long enough already so I'll save it for another day.
Peace out kids.
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